From the Central Office of the Future Supreme Emperorship Global Overlord Counter Elite Music Factory, LLC Esq. and Company,
IT IS HEREBY DECLARED that the public entity known colloquially and in brief derivation THE COUNTER ELITES (band) seeks One-Time Stand-In (OTSI) for the public figure known as JONNY GENOCIDE aka JONNY THE GERM aka JONNY JELLYBEAN aka JONNY JALOPY JOSTLER aka JONNY JUJU JUGGLER, whose primary function in the ongoing plot for Total Global Ownership by "Company" is CANDIDATE for the Office of Emperor of the Inevitable Future Global Emperorship which has continued its prescripted and performed Acts of Public Amazement since the organization's Launch on September 11, 1973.
On the Impending Date (ID) of Saturday, August 1st, 2015, the public figure known as JONNY GENOCIDE will be IN ABSENTIA, thus the organization, necessitating a pre-arranged, organized and prioritized Impending Public Act (IPA) aka Public Appearance of Company Decrees by way of a "musical concert" performed by candidate JONNY GENOCIDE on Microphone and Instrument, and co-musician and running mate for Office of Dictator (aka Prescriber of Global Silence) SW SEMIAUTOMATIC aka SW SON OF SAM WALTON aka SW SWITCHBLADE aka SW SWIRLY-STRAW aka SW SWEATER WEATHER who is slated to perform Rhythmic Functioning Duties (RFDs) on previously stated future occurrence (ID).
NEEDED is a temporary understudy / stand-in Musical Performer (MP) to perform Microphone and Instrument in place of candidate JONNY GENOCIDE for the singular date ID (previously stated future occurrence).
You will be performing a 25-30 minute "musical concert" at [VENUE] with [BANDS] in Detroit [CITY]. You will also be responsible for representing the Company as the Public Company Voice (PCV) and must Deliver its Principles to an audience of up to dozens by way of "Prepared Speeches" by the Department of Exploited Grad Students, and "Musical Arrangements" (aka SONGS) by the resident jingle-writers in our Department of Assembled Melodies and Syllable Arrangement.
You will be responsible for memorizing the following SONGS (LYRICS, MELODY, RHYTHM, BASS GUITAR [DROP-B]) and performing their Functionable Duties (FDs) accordingly, and at Maximum Volume:
21ST CENTURY COUNTER-ELITES
ALL TALK, NO ACTION
AIN'T GOT NO
AN INVISIBLE THREAT
ARE YOU A COUNTER-ELITE?
ARE YOU IN ON THE SHIFT?
AS I GO ALONG
BUST 'EM UP
CHOICES
COMMON SENSE
CRITICAL MOMENT
COMPARTMENTALIZED
DYSTOPIAN DAYDREAM
FANTASY LAND
GETTIN' SQUEEZED
GOIN' HIERARCHICAL
GONE IN A BOOM
GOOD COMPANY MAN (SUITE)
GO TO EXTREMES
GOTTA HAVE ENOUGH
HE WHO LIMITS
I COULD LIKE THAT (BUT I DON'T)
I LIKE IT
I'M COMIN' HOME (TO MY BABY TONIGHT)
I'M DIVIDED
I'M FOLLOWIN' YOU
I'M NEGATIVE
IT'S A PLOT
LET'S GET EXPLOITED
MORE IS NEVER ENOUGH
MY HEART IS NOT IN IT
NATURAL LIGHT
NEW MAJORITY
NIGHTMARES
NO TIME
NOT RIGHT
ONE CRIME AT A TIME
OURS
PRIVATIZE IT
QUALITY CONTROL
SKIN AND BONES
SPECTACLE/REPETITION
SURFIN' COUNTER-ELITES
THE HANDS OF EVIL
TOO MUCH OF EVERYTHING
WAR IN THE STREETS
WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER
WE'RE ALL COMMODITIES
WHAT HAPPENED?
WHO'S ON THE OTHER SIDE?
Also you must be HIGHLY ADEPT in performing musical renditions of Formal Pieces of Music in the styles of:
BLACK FLAG
HALL AND OATES
EDVARD GRIEG
SEX POLICE
DANIEL JOHNSTON
THE WHO
SONGS FROM THE MOON
DESCENDENTS
TOM PETTY AND THE HEARTBREAKERS
MYKOLA DMYTROVICH LEONTOVYCH
GWAR
LIMP BIZKIT
and more, as requested.
You will be compensated minimum wage for your Duration of Stage Performance, which will be 25-30 minutes, but the Company will round the number of Minutes Worked (MWs) to 27. Thus you will be compensated by the Company the Gross amount of $3.66 for your labor (minus taxes and fees).
You must arrive 4 hours early for load-in and sound-check and stay for a minimum of 2 hours after your performance. Your paycheck will arrive in 8-12 weeks.
To apply for this position, submit a resume, cover letter, demo mp3s, urine test result, phrenological report, complete family history, list of secret associates, high school and college transcripts, phone records, and list of sexual partners, along with accompanying video diary and powerpoint presentation to .
WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waDr9LCng_M
COMPARTMENTALIZED / THE HANDS OF EVIL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IF0JJqHPH1w
TOO MUCH OF EVERYTHING / CHOICES: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nP8CHsqNPIE
I'M FOLLOWIN' YOU / QUALITY CONTROL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVd1SmYsoig
GONE IN A BOOM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTjQYsLIEXQ
ARE YOU A COUNTER-ELITE? / BUST 'EM UP: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L11An4-SxBY
SURFIN' BIRD: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v
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